Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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