The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
