There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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