i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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