Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize