Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
