Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
