its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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