if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
