dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
