I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
