I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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