i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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