two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
