I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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