the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize