Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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