chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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