And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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