I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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