My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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