I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
