I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
