i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
