I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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