FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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