We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
