I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
