i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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