Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
