you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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