JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
