So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
