i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
