so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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