How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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