I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was born a porn star she said
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
