that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
