and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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