he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
