Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We talked him into tasing himself.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
