He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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