I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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