You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
