Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
