i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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