I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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