I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
