If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
