you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
