Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize