Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
