i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
