did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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