All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
