WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
