My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who did Billy Mays play for?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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