he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize