i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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