Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
