I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
there is glitter all over my balls
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
