This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
this hospital has no fireball
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
