my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
