My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
