just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
