I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
