I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
