i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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