just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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