do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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